Communication Is Important

TM Oei Hsin Hsi gives his take on why communication skills are important, and the benefits of improving your skills in this area.

Let’s face it. We talk everyday. We communicate verbally with our friends, colleagues, and family members. In general, women speak 6000-8000 words a day. Men, however speak 2000-4000 words. This may explain why women are better communicators than men (though some might vehemently disagree), but we’ve digressed.
Why is communication important? Communication facilitates the exchange of information. We inform, teach, influence, negotiate, mediate, persuade, lead, motivate, and inspire. Communication assists in bringing people closer together. It is capable of doing so many things. It aids people in their aim to achieve goals. Many people subconsciously recognize the importance of oral communication. But are we really capable communicators? If not, are we taking affirmative measures to improve ourselves?

Oral communication is utilized the most to facilitate a conversation between parties. It’s easy, fast and convenient. It’s simple. Or so we think. Still, miscommunications are daily occurrences of life. Miscommunications between friends and colleagues cause unnecessary strains within the relationship. Miscommunications between loved ones cause both sides to go through undue emotional stress. Miscommunications between corporations can be costly, incurring wastage of both time and resources. Miscommunications between countries endanger millions of lives. Judging at how easily miscommunication can occur, it is important to understand how it occurs. Meaning to say: develop an awareness of how you yourself communicate with others.

Misunderstandings arise because people take oral communication for granted. We make unrealistic assumptions about people and events. We stereotype. We fail to listen properly. We mispronounce words. Our body language was incongruent with our verbal content. We perceive things differently. Quarrels and heated arguments arise as a result. Instead of communicating to establish a level of understanding, we’ve achieved otherwise. Failing to do that will result in an automatic failure to achieve whatever goals we had in mind in starting the dialogue. Hence, it is important to be proficient in oral communication to do away or at best minimize the occurrences of misunderstandings and to achieve our goals.

Proficiency in the art of oral communication will create a favorable first impression. We’ve often heard that it’s the first impression that counts. It may sound superficial but it rings true in many ears. It is this first impression people will judge you. People judge another person’s intelligence based on how capable they are in expressing themselves verbally. Hence mastering oral communications is made more important.

This form of proficiency will also enable us to build rapport more easily with others. In order to cooperate and collaborate with others, seek to accept and understand them. Through shared meetings and conversations, a person will be able to get a rough feel of another person’s character from the way they project themselves. With that knowledge, one would be able to relate more effectively with that person.

Possessing excellent oral communication skills will come as an added advantage in giving presentations. As undergraduates, we’ll be required to make presentations in front of a group. It has been said in USA that the fear of public speaking outranks the fear of death. For those who’ve experienced some form or another of addressing mass audiences, you would understand the familiar lump on the throat, the sudden awareness of the thumping of the heart, the leaden legs when approaching the front, etc. Why does this fear come about?

The fear of public speaking originates from several fears. Fear of ostracism, fear of standing out, fear of criticism, fear of ridicule, fear of being an outcast, fear of being different. It is no wonder most of us shake when given the mike. Being aware of the fears is already halfway to conquering it. All that’s left is practicing and gaining the confidence to address the crowds.

By this time, I hope I would have convinced or at the very least, make known to you that oral communication is an important aspect of our lives. So what are you waiting for?? Join NUS Toastmasters and let’s learn together in our journey to become better communicators!!

Making the First Move

TM Gladys Lee gives pointers on how to make that first move and secure that relationship with others.

Very often, I observe that Asians who attend any social gathering with their friends in their small groups often stick to their own cliques for the length of the gathering. Even though they may have made brief talk with a few people outside their clique by the end of the party, they remain pretty much confined in their small social circle.

Why is this so? Is it because we Asians are too shy to make new friends, or are we just too contented with our present network of friends such that we do not feel the need to increase our number of social contacts?

I am inclined not to believe so, because I know of many Asian friends who have increasingly realised the importance of and are paying more attention to networking. Being social creatures, we need to make use of the many opportunities that come our way to forge some new friendships. After all, it wouldn’t hurt to have one more acquaintance, would it?

You may then ask, “If networking is so important, what can I possibly do to improve on my social interaction?” In this essay, I shall give some pointers to address this, sharing with you some of the experiences I had encountered to illustrate my points.

As Asians, we normally wait to be approached by the other party or to be introduced by a mutual friend, before warming up to the occasion and making small talk with our newfound acquaintance. This is probably due to the Asian notion of “politeness”, that makes us view making bold moves to get to know someone as being rude or having some ulterior motive. I had come across this guy who introduced himself to a girl once before, and ended up being teased by his friends as being “buaya”! (In Singaporean Hokkien dialect context, this has a negative connotation-it means a guy who has an affinity for girls)

However, I think it is time we broke down those old social walls that keep us from meeting new people. After all, what is a little teasing compared with the number of potential friends you lose as well as the wealth of experiences they have to share with you?

In this aspect, we can learn something from our American counterparts. Being the friendly, open and spontaneous type of people they are, they generally tend to make the first move. At a dance performance I attended in the US, I heard a lot of spontaneous cheering and clapping after it ended, but at a similar dance performance I attended in Singapore, the Singaporean audience merely gave the customary applause. At social gatherings, the Americans come up to you and say, “Hi, my name is so and so, what’s yours?” This simple conversation starter very soon develops into an animated conversation on issues like family life, school or work, religion and even on hotly debated topics like feminism and cruelty to animals.

Wow! This seems easier said than done, you may think. Yes, very often tips on how to start a conversation and so on are available, but putting them into action can be a problem. The essence lies in being bold enough to carry it out. My advice is to start by approaching someone one-to-one, or if you feel comfortable enough, one-to-three or four. Sometimes, when the group is too big, you tend to have second thoughts about going up to introduce yourself in front of so many people.

The second thing to bear in mind is to be confident of yourself. Realise that the other party is as excited to meet you as you are about meeting him or her. Even though you happen to stutter a little at the start, push those minor imperfections to the back of your mind and move along with the conversation. As you tell more about yourself and hear what the other party has to say, you become more absorbed in the conversation and very soon, you will have overcome your initial nervousness, and your newfound acquaintance will have delighted in having found such an amicable friend!

Much as being bold and talking is essential, you must be careful to ensure that the conversation does not become a one-way traffic. Listening to what the other party has to say is equally important too. Even though your friend may enjoy hearing about your experiences, I’m sure he or she has his piece to say as well. This is when the Asian quality of tactfulness comes in. Always be mindful when the conversation is not proceeding in the two-way fashion that it is supposed to proceed in, and skilfully divert the topic such that your friend can have his share. A useful way would be to say, “I believe you’ve heard enough about me, and I’m sure you have even more wonderful stories to share with me. Why don’t you tell me some of them? I’d love to hear them.”

Although the conversation may end when the party comes to an end, the interaction should not stop there. Kindly request for the person’s namecard and present yours too. In this way, there is a chance for a possible follow-up on this new friendship.

These are just some basic points to take note of when you go out to meet someone for the very first time. Have fun trying them out and happy networking!

TM’s Guide to Humor

Want to give a sugar-and-spice wrap to your speech? TM Paul Chee, in keeping with this month’s theme of humor, attempts to examine some of the finer points in giving a humorous speech.

In our world today, we are bombarded on all sides by negative images and suggestions, more so after the Sept 11 attacks. Therefore, a speaker who is able to weave humor into his speech is greatly appreciated. People want to be entertained. They want to laugh. Although making your audience laugh sounds elementary, it is actually a complex art.

The art of using humor in your speeches is not to be taken lightly. No doubt you will be judged regardless of whether or not you inject humor. However, the use of humor can make or break a speech. Successful use of humor to bring across your points can leave a lasting impression on your audience. You will be appreciated for bringing about heartfelt laughter. The same holds true, if you handle the use of humor poorly. Skillful use of humor can enhance your reputation as an effective speaker (and probably get you more presentations). Whereas poorly handled humor in a presentation can damage or destroy your credibility.

What then is humor? Humor is defined as “the mental faculty of discovering, expressing or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous”. Put simply, humor is a form of expression intended to arouse amusement. Wit, on the other hand, is defined as, “the power to evoke laughter by remarks showing verbal felicity or ingenuity and swift perception, especially of the incongruous”. Synonymous with wit are, humor, irony, sarcasm, satire and repartee, which are all modes of expression intended to arouse amusement. But there is another element to wit. As the saying goes, “Wit punctures, humor pictures.” A person with wit delivers witticisms that are cleverly witty and often biting or ironic remarks with the ability to relate seemingly disparate things so as to illuminate or amuse.

Here are rules to follow in the delivery of a humorous speech:
1) The use of off-color, risqué or blue humor, humor which derives its “effectiveness” from shock value, sexual content, or relation to bodily functions has no place in the repertoire of the professional speaker.

2) The second rule is that things can be funny only when we are “in fun”. There may be a serious thought or motive lurking underneath our humor. We may be only “half in fun” and still perceive things as funny. Ask yourself, “Is this audience “in fun”; do I dare use humor; can they be moved into “in fun”"?

3) The third rule is that being “in fun” is a condition most natural to childhood, and that children at play reveal the humorous laugh in its simplest and omnivorous form. To them every untoward, unprepared for, unmanageable, inauspicious, ugly, disgusting, puzzling, startling, deceiving, shaking, blinding, jolting, deafening, banging, bumping, or otherwise shocking and disturbing thing, unless it be calamitous enough to force them out of the mood of play, is enjoyable as funny. Can something be said carelessly by a speaker that can move an audience out of “in fun”? A speaker must be aware of the mood of the audience at all times.

4) The fourth rule is that when we are “in fun”, a peculiar shift of values takes place. Pleasant things are still pleasant, but disagreeable things, so long as they are not disagreeable enough to “spoil the fun”, tend to acquire a pleasant emotional flavor and provoke a laugh. Someone who can think funny has the natural ability to see the humor in the painful lessons of life.

5) The last rule is that grown-up people retain in varying degrees this aptitude for being in fun and thus enjoying unpleasant things as funny. But those not richly endowed with humor manage to feel a very comic feeling only when within the playfully unpleasant thing, there is a pleasant one. Only then do they laugh uproariously like playing children. And they call this complicated thing or combination of things at which they laugh, a joke. Audiences made up of individuals who have retained in varying degrees the aptitude for being “in fun” provide the humorous speaker with a great challenge; that of reaching all present.

An effective way to achieve the above is to be self-effacing. In other words, poke fun at yourself. This would ensure you do not offend anyone in the audience and at the same time bring forth laughter. Most importantly, have fun with your speech. After all, there’s no point giving a humorous speech when even the speaker thinks it’s not humorous.

Conquer the Fear

TM Rashmi Chhiber shares some tips to help make public speaking, a speak-easy session

Be it a group of 5 people or a whole lecture theatre, speaking in the presence of people always leaves me with sweating palms and wishing fervently that I would somehow melt into the material space around me! Thankfully though, all is not lost!!! Over time, one does accumulate tips which help to reduce the apprehension one feels before giving a speech. As TM Hsin Hsi says in his article “Communication is important” that Being aware of the fears is already halfway to conquering it.

This article will complete the remaining half of the journey by giving you tips on how to overcome that fear.

The first thing to deal with nervousness is to know that you are not the first person to feel this way. Thousands of people before you, and thousands after you will go through the customary phase of feeling nervous. You would have seen a few such people yourself. People who speak at a super-sonic speed, with a bit of mumbling and a lot of jumbled-up words .but everyone gets through the phase, and so can you. It might take time but eventually one does get there. Nervousness is greatly reduced by planning out what one needs to say in the speech and preparing for it. You must decide on the topic, which in most situations would be a give-away. Then plan your speech around this topic with 3-4 main points. If you are not sure about the topic, research on it. Use the web, or the library, or even talk to your friends and colleagues, to be sure you know what you are going to talk about. Great speakers have had varied styles of speech delivering. Some use a lot of anecdotes, others use a good deal of humour. The best approach is to use your own style, and not mimic anyone. When you try to ape someone else’s style, the effort you put in doing that is rather unnecessary and may backfire if you falter in the presence of others. The key is to give the audience some substance in your speech. The style should complement the content, and not be a burden that you have to carry on your shoulders throughout the speech.

After you plan your speech, go about rehearsing it. Rehearse the pauses, the gestures, the modulation of the voice. These little nuances are what make any speech entertaining for the audience. The moment the audience connects with you, you will feel your nervousness disappear and you will actually enjoy delivering the speech from that point onwards. And when you finally do go ahead and deliver your piece, always remember that the audience wants you to succeed. They too know the fear of public speaking and so their appraisal about your speech will be much more lenient than what you would imagine it to be.

The skill of impactfull public speaking is one which will take you a long way. Make sure you don t let your fear spoil that journey. Conquer the fear!

Vocal Care

CTM Dominic Zou speaks up on the oft-neglected topic of vocal problems and what public-speakers need to do to keep clear of them.

We’ve all heard so much about body language and speech organization, but where the voice is concerned, not much has been said. I think I need to speak up. I’m sure we’ve all heard about speech therapists reciting horror stories about teachers and telemarketers who lost their voices. Well, vocal problems are an occupational hazard for public speakers too.

Hydration
Perhaps one of the most underrated requirements of the voice would be water. The human body contains so much fluids, it s basically a walking bag. Most Singaporeans tend to under-drink at any rate, and usually one s voice does result in localized and general fluid loss. A dry mouth stinks. It s also sticky and impedes articulation. A dry throat also gets hoarse easily. Plain water is the best. Isotonic drinks aren’t that suitable since public speaking does not consume that many calories as say, running a marathon (some wonder what the distinction is). Keep your distance from the sweet sugary stuff.

Saliva
Sweet stuff tends to thicken the saliva, giving a similar effect to that of dehydration. So too do starchy foods, especially pastries. On the other side of the scale of saliva viscosity, acidic/spicy/piquant stuff such as chili can make your glands secret e copious amounts of watery saliva. That’s generally okay, so long as you don’t over-salivate, especially on stage. Apart from the comic effect of flooding the back of your mouth as you speak, leading (in extreme cases) to frothing, over-salivation doesn’t look that good either. But chili does have another positive effect.

Opening up the throat
Chili does this by cheating – it causes a slight swelling in your throat. Opening up is actually best achieved by muscular warm-ups. An open throat allows for easier air flow (and less laborious breathing), as well as better resonance. The vocal variety is also important, as you coul d always imitate a constricted, throaty rasp muscularly when you’ve got an open throat, but not vice-versa. The key to all this is muscle relaxation.

Warming up
Like other muscles, those in your throat need to be warmed up before you engage them intensely, such as when giving a public speech of more than 5 minutes. Relaxation exercises usually start with breathing, followed by throat openers such as the prolonged sigh, or humming, or long vowels.

Voice and breathing are then combined in more complex warm-ups that require coordination usually stuff like the laughing is contagious song, familiar to most dramaturges and choristers. Launching your voice into 5th gear without warm-ups may lead to itch, hoarseness, and eventually loss of voice. The same goes for engaging in sound effects and other extremes, such as shouting or rasping. It’s just like doing your 2.4km run right after jumping out of bed.

What about range and power?
After puberty, range is more or less fixed, and tends to mellow very slowly as time creeps by in its petty pace. Any attempt to go beyond one’s tessitura (i.e., the comfort zone) usually requires more of technique than of stretching the range. Your vocal cords (that’s C-O-R-D-S, without the H) can only go that far beyond their natural limits. If you want to try, start soft. Hum. And keep practicing, again and again, until you achieve a suitable resonance. That’s about it. Volume is well, not a practical goal. Just keep focusing on diaphragmatic breathing, and your resonators.

Power exercises from within the tessitura is, similarly, a matter of practice. However, the potential for muscular effort is much greater. But don’t overdo it. Two (temporary) things may happen if you do you lose your voice, and you get a headache. Remember that vibrations occur throughout your skull, and if you resonate well and loud for too long, well you get dizzy.

Resonate?
There are plenty of resonators, it’s quite hard to squeeze mention of all of them into an article like this. Then again, they’re not that related to vocal fitness and care. Perhaps I’ll deal with them in later issues or as the subject of my future Toastmasters projects. There are many other issues to be dealt with, such as acoustics, breathing, timbre, articulation, and yes, resonance, and I would like to be more vocal about them (ha! ) in future. For now, I hope this write-up helps to heighten your awareness of this particular aspect of your voice, and I formally offer this as an excuse for the constant presence of a water bottle beside me at Toastmasters meetings.

Speaking For Impact: Connecting with Every Audience

TM James Ho reviews this Shirley E.Nice book and tells you what Nice means by connecting with the audience.

This is a very good book. How good it is? Let me tell you.

Ten chapters that teach you quite a bit about speaking amd the techniques when dealing with different types of audiences. Every chapter is a lesson in itself. I shall just talk about the first 3 chapters and I leave you, the reader, to read the rest of the book. But, trust me, this book is worth reading, every single word of it.

Chapter 1 talks about the demands of the audience nowadays. They want the speaker to get and hold their attention, entertain them, talk to them on a personal level, be an expert in the topic, being time-efficient, have an important message, know their language and the working environment, say things that can be implemented on the spot and/or new ideas, give them answers, solutions and tips, give them something to remember and, last but not least, make their lives better.

Chapter 2 talks about the speaker’s window, where it is divided into 4 parts, namely, platform, blinders, and source. The platform is what the audience sees when you make a presentation, where it reveals your context and issues, your position in the topic, and where you can be easily seen. The mask hides whatever you do not want the sudience to see. The blinders are what is perceived as been invisible but actually can be seen by the audience. Finally, the source is where your message and passion live.

Chapter 3 is about the speaker’s platform, of which was earlier discussed in Chapter 2. However, in this chapter, the prospective speaker will learn about connecting the audience with his/her stories; Connecting the audience with his/her expertise, either due to special skills or knowledge, substantial experience, achievement and contribution or recognition and acceptance, and knwoing whether he/she is a content speaker or a process speaker; and also to learn how to connect the audience with his/her uniqueness, either through the skill of building a special connection with the audience or the skill of delivering his/her own unique gift.

What I have just depicted are only what is found in the first 3 chapters. There are 7 more chapters and each is interesting on its own. I felt really uplifted after reading this book and I hope you will too.